Poem

At times the life I am living is confusing and does not make sense. But there is hope and a light in the darkness. The way to get there is a journey, with many roads to choose from. Each with there own crossroads as to where to go. Does that mean I always choose the right road? By no means,but with each winding road it leads me back to the Cross.

The burden that holds me back feels very heavy at times, does that mean You are not there? By no means it means you are making me stronger with Your help to carry the burden.You have placed others in my life to help carry the weight, but it is my fight.I know that you have provided that armor for me to defeat the evil one but sometimes it seems heavy for me to carry alone. That is when You remind me that I am not alone. That there is a army behind me as well willing to help me.

The journey has a lot of up and downs, but there is rest in You. I am not the same person that I was yesterday that I am today. Each and every day will have its own shares of choices to make. But I know that You will still love me even if I choose the wrong path. What is the wrong path? Is it turning away from You? I am just a creation, created by You with a free will to make the right choice. Either that choice will be to follow You or to walk away, but I know if I do that Your love will still carry me and welcome me home each and every time.

Thank You for showing me forgiveness, and for loving me no matter what road I have gone down. And thank You for sending Your only son to die on the cross for me, so that oe day I may be with You.

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So the past few days have been really good , but at the same time new and interesting. Let me see if I can try to explain whats going on here. The past few days God has been showing Himself to me in new ways that I have always known were around , but it seems like my heart is open to the new ideas. So on Saturday night I was with my friend and I was just getting ready for worship that night. Every Saturday night at Glad Tidings in Omaha, they have there young adults program which I am part of.It is called Underground ministry, lots of great people there, close friends and I have only been going there since November, but it seems  like a lot longer. (insert witty commercial) The theme for 2011 is no excuses, meaning what is holding just back from truly accepting God  ready to radically change our lives. No more coming up with why me, it cannot be anything like that. No more take a stand.

So the worship team started, they did a good job, but I did not feel like I wanted to be in there, I felt unease not worthy to worship God. I just wanted to leave. But God other plans for me that night, I ran  into two close friends who just really pored truth into me, just really helped encourage me. As I started to go back into worship and the message little did I know that God was going to rock me. I thought to myself ” hmm I am making an excuse right now why not to worship” change of mind and additute. God loves me regardless of where i have been and what I have done, He can still use me. So the message started, the pastor challenged us that we may either really like it or walk away and be upset. he hated giving this type of message but he felt and knew that it had to be done. He started out asking a bunch of questions, such as What do you believe as a christian? What is holding you back? Do you believe in true discipleship? If so are you ready to follow Christ at a moments notice? Are you forgiving? If so why are you harboring sin? And a lot of other questions such as those.

From there the message went into 2 Kings 2 the story of where Elijah is taking up unto heaven and Elisha replaces him. And how Elisha would not leave Elijah side no matter what, and how when Elijah goes how Elisha wants a double portion of his spirit. That is how we need to be when it comes to Christ. We need a double portion of who Christ is in our lives. Also what is holding us back from truly coming unto the Lord right now? What is stopping us? From there he challenged us to search our hearts, and see what God was going to teach us that night. He asked us three questions the first one was: Do you believe enough in Christ to leave everything to follow?Number two: Do you believe Jesus enough to serve in the shadows for a while meaning behind the sceans? Number three: Do you believe enough never to leave the side of Jesus even though He said it was ok?After that moment he challenged us to search out our hearts to seek the answers, if we needed prayer he would be available. God just radically changed my view on a few things that night, things i had held inside and did not want to share with anyone ever, I realized that a lot of quick discions making that I do is based on my emotional side.  I have always known that,but when it came to my relationship with God? That is what hit me hard.

So Sunday morning, I was supposed to give a a friend a ride to church, well i stayed over night at another friends house and left there a lot earlier then I thought I did. So I got to do some walking and talking to God, also think about this blog entry. After we got to church I was getting ready for what God was going to teach me. The pastor was talking about desire. And the first question he asked was what is your desire?The bases of the message was from Romans 10, Romans 10:1 “Brethren my heart’s desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation”. Something he said that i really enjoyed, and it has challenged my thinking all ready. “The game is going on and we are in huddle right now, so lets leave the huddle and get back into the game”. Every Sunday, every  bible study should be a huddle, but lets not forget about the fact that the game is going on. The lost need to be saved and they need to get into the game also.

So Saturday the question was ” what do you believe?” And Sunday the question was “what is your desire?” Talk about two good messages, back to back really got me thinking about that also another question I would like to throw out there is. Where has my hearts focus been? So those are just some of my thoughts as to what has been going on lately.

Float Away

For some reason lately my mind has been drifting a lot. It is not very uncommon for that to happen, but here is how it is different. I keep going back to two places where I have been before. The issue with that is, they are both out of the United States. I am not really sure why I keep going back to that place. It is interesting how a song, or phrase or something to that effect can take you back to a point in time.

One of the locations I went to 6 years ago this summer, and I can still see it plain as day as if I am still there. The location is New Zealand, I am not sure why I keep going back to the location. I went there six years ago for a missions trip, that lasted two months. I have always told people that I would be going back one day, but I meant more in the physical not in my own mind. It is interesting I can still see it perfectly clear, as if I was still there or a part of me was, and I am living this life here, while the other half or a one-third of me is.

One of the other locations is just like the first. I can still see everything as if I am still there, does that mean something is going on there? And my heart is just crying out for the people? The other location is Vietnam, I was there four years ago this summer. Let me explain something that a lot of people may already know but maybe did not realize. Vietnam is not a Christian country by any means. I was there to teach English in a classroom, but those students mean so much more to me then just a name on a piece of paper.

It is interesting how I keep getting these flash back memories, or moments as if I am there for a brief amount of time. Is it because I am not there? Or is it something else? I can not figure this out. I wish I could, wait if I was supposed to be over there right now would the doors not have been opened for me to go back? But oh yeah the doors are not open to that. So here I am in Omaha, not that it is a bad thing, but at times I wonder if I am supposed to stay here for my whole  life. Why would God have called me to international missions just to stay here? I do not feel like Nebraska is supposed to be my mission field. There are a lot of other people who are called to be homes based missionaries I am not one of them.

Another thing my mind keeps replaying is something that happened six months ago. I am over the fact that it did happen, I have moved on but the memory factor part is still killing me. I wish i could remove those memories, not that they were all bad but yeah. Certin things still remind me , either a song or just a movie. Little simple things. It did happen for a reason, God had a hand in it the entire time but yeah, I have forgiven the person, and I have asked God to help heal me, but at times the pain is still there.My mind does not go there as often as it once did, but once in a while it still does.

Anyway in closing thoughts and remarks for now that is some of the things that have been on my mind latley. Just wanted to share some of what was going on. I know that God has a plan for me and somebody out there also but I am just wondering when all of that is going to come about.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

Today is a new day

Ever have one of those days, weeks, or months etc where you are just counting down until the next day? That is to the point where I am in regards to a few issues I am dealing with. I know there is a light at the end of the trials but I just want to skip the drama of it and get on to the next adventure. Does that mean that the next adventure won’t have drama? By no means, but I will be rested for the new drama.

Now I know that there are others who have way more drama issues then I do, so who am to complain right? Right but at the same time this is one reason why I created my blog, to be able to vent about what is going on. Now the drama that I am going through, is nothing really to new for me. Money issues and how I do not save my money like I should. I wish I could hire someone to look after my money for me, that way I would get a set amount when the bills are due, then that way I might have some money. Almost like a allowance but with some more freedom. That is just a portion as to what is going on in my day to day life.

Another part of the drama factor is the fact that I hate this the most about me right now, is I get my hopes up to high for the small things only to be drug back down when the door slams shut. For example, I applied to go back to school. For those who do not know, that has always been a hard then for me. I tried twice for college before this attempt and had to take time off both times due to grades. So I was not going to do it this past time unless God opened all the doors for this to happen. So I felt 100 percent sure this was going to happen, told people to pray about it, did not mention it to to many people though that when I had sent everything in. After that, I was really praying about it still kept in contact with them, did somethings here that I felt that God was telling me to do, to get ready.

Anyway, as things were getting ready for this to happen. I had not heard anything for a while, so I called them to find out what the status was. And they were not sure but someone would call me and let me know,also side note I talked with the head of the admissions department. So I went to dinner with my friends and I got a e-mail. They told me I was not accepted, that really hurt a lot. I had all the doors wide open for it then for it to just slam shut.And for that reason, I am not sure if I even want to attempt to go back again.

Anyway that is just my thoughts on that just one example there. I know that my future is in God’s hands and nothing I can do will ever separate me from His love. So today is a new day, and God still loves me. Anyway peace for now happy reading

Memories

It is interesting to me what can cause the smallest memory triger and then that causes us to remember a lot of different memories, then we do not know where to turn or run. Now do not get me wrong, not all memories are a bad thing, but also not all memories are positive either. Where am I trying to go with this? I am not sure either. I was just remembering something that happened a few years ago and my mind started to drift back to that time.

I am not really even sure what may have caused it, it has been a while since I have even thought about that. There are a lot of ther memories that are a lot closer to me, that I am trying to still block out but I am not able to do that yet. Why am I trying to block out those memories? It was happy moments yes, but at the same time painful to recall, due to the fact that person is no longer with me. But that is not what is causing the first set of memories.Just a little side note there a blog, lol a rabbit trial.

Wow once again I am kinda random at times, a little mixture of everything in between. I am very blessed for the friends in my life that can put up with the random side. But those are the friends that have helped me through everything as well. Including some new friends that have just entered my life. I had friends like that in the past as well, but those friends are no longer part of my life either b choice, or they just moved on. I can honestly recall the few friends that I have no longer any communication with, that at times when it is hard or anything like that, that I wish I could still call and talk to but that is in the past. And  things in the past need to stay there right?

For my closing thought of the day, hold your friends close, and always remember the good times that you had with them.And for the friends that you no longer talk to or communicate with what is holding you back? My challenge try and reach out to one former friend that you no longer talk to. It may surprise you what me be started.

Life is going good

Life is going good, huh what an interesting statement but at the same time do I believe that my self? I find it so hard to find something like that true, when so many times we use that as a cop out for something more serious going on. Or we could  actually have a good day, and the smallest thing could ruin it. Any way over all it was a very good day. I had the day off from work, so I got done a lot of things to do on my to do list. Plus I cooked dinner for a good friend so that was amazing as well.

That is one thing that I like to do is cook, but unless someone is going to join me for dinner I usually do not cook for my self. That is one thing I am hoping to change is my lack of cooking. One of these weeks coming up I am hoping to be able to cook every day, for a variety of different people. There I go dreaming again, lets see if that happens though. Not that there is anything wrong to dream, but if we do not follow that dream, and think that it will be answered then what is the dream for?

Wow that went a lot deeper then I thought it would.Not that is bad or anything I was not planning on that for the moment.Anyway yeah  I guess that is my feeling towards the topic at hand,it can be scary out there but at the same time there is hope if you just believe in it. Well that is my thought for this night, hope everybody has a good day. And remember just a thought away, someone out there cares for you and loves ya.

One of those days

Have you ever just had one of those days? Not bad per say,but just one of those days where you did not want to do anything? Yeah today is one of those days.The down side is I still have to go to work latter today. But through it all I know that God is in control over every circumstance that is going to come my way.

That can be an interesting topic of choice to talk about also.I think that will be the discussion for later. And yes as I get used to doing a blog they will come longer latter on. Still getting used to it.

Hello World

Hey everybody so I have joined the world of blogging. But I think it is going to be a real positive feeling to have one. A way to get across some of what I am feeling about a variety of topics, from music to movies to church and everything else so enjoy the adventure.

I just wanted for today just to share with everyone that today was a very nice relaxing day. I got to hang out with two people in my life who are life a brother and sister to me. So that was really good. Anyway just wanted to share that random tid bit for the day.Maybe more later.