It’s been a few days

It’s been a few days since I last held you in my arms, what does that feel like again? It’s been a few days since I last cried, yet the emotions won’t go away.  It’s been a few days I last opened up, each time that gets harder and harder.

The pain is getting better, yet at times the tears are still there, does it get better? It’s been a while  since I last thought about that, yet some memories still won’t go away. It’s been a few days since I last heard your voice, it brings comfort ,peace, and healing.I know that we all live our own lives for a reason, and I know some friends are never going to leave me no matter what. I wish that there was a way  to be able to express how I feel without worrying other.

Its been a few days since my last blog, what really goes through my mind at times? I wonder if I am reaching a few people anyway, I know others have told me how much they enjoy my blog. But are they reading in between the lines also, or just reading what they want to read? Does it bother me, am I really that concerned? By no means, it would just be nice just to get some type of feedback once and a while, in regards to what you ask? Is what I type make since, is it clear, easy to understand? Is the main point coming across? Is there a theme? Those are just a few questions I have been thinking about, like I said its been a few days. Happy reading, Adam

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Happy Blog :)

So I have decided to write a happy blog, wow that seems hard to write. I am not talking about the happy part, just more along the lines of the title. It seems off in a way to title something that is an emotion. I should be happy all the time, not just through my writing write? Get it write? Lol instead of right, wow I seem to make my self laugh so much at times. No wonder why I have “JD” symptom, now what I was talking about ? Oh yeah, wow the “JD” symptom. If you have never seen the show “Scrubs” check out that show, it is a good show.

Anyway one of the main characters is named “JD”, well it is kinda his nickname, sort of like mine is “AD”. Anyway in the show a lot of he does is through his thoughts, you can hear what he thinks. I am glad my brain does not work like that. Unless I type, meaning I type what I say as it is typed. Just like I did now, lol wait you can not see what I did nor could you hear me say that. But at times, there are points in the show where someone mentions or does something that gets him off track. He get off track and goes into his own world. Now what does that have to do with me? Great question, glad you asked, my brain or mind does that to. If I think of something, or if someone mentions something. My mind tends to go to my own land.

Case in point, when I tried to write that last ramble of thoughts. I got distracted by my phone, Google, YouTube and Facebook. Sad part is , I am not endorsed by any of them. Interesting part is everything I searched for or looked up was something that someone or somebody mentioned earlier. Wow the storage banks are getting full. I need extra room or space. If anybody can truth fully read this, I will be shocked lol, but I am happy as I write it. That is a huge plus, so cool. Anyway this is a short blog, remember someone out there cares, and is always avail. Happy Reading, Adam

My life

It really hurts when people I thought I could trust end up turning around and backstabbing me. That is one of the top reasons why trust has always been a issue for me, not so much just that but in general people that I allow into my inter circle. It takes a while just for me to open up to trust someone and then to have them turn around and bring up something that happened over nine months ago. I am not going to go into detail about that since IT WAS IN THE PAST. I HAVE MOVED ON FROM THAT I am a stronger person now then I was at that time. So why bring something up just to bring me down to make your self feel better about what happened?

With that being said, I have decided to share a part of my life story. If anybody really knows me, I tend to open up a lot, and the close off real quick. Part of that is due to a trust factor I have always struggled with, from people in a church asking me why I bother to come if no body really likes me. That really kills when you are fourteen years old. To someone that I thought was a friend to them saying “enough people have enough trouble of there own so wide add to that”. Scratch that first relationship, wow in advance I am not going to share any names, to protect certain people because I am not sure who reads this and who does not. To just finding out  a month ago that someone I dated a year ago is still trying to cause crap, I have moved on. I am sorry if they have not, but at the same time there lose.

It is interesting only a few people can really break me open, when I get in a funk like this. The down side is one of them lives in a different city, the others I do not want bother all the time. Plus any more who can you truly trust? It has been a while since I have been in this bad of a funk per say. I know that God is there and is never going to leave, but at the same type I just want to be happy, is that really to much to ask? I am tired of people putting on fronts like they care about me, but yet there is never truly any actions to back that up. I am part to blame for that, it is just rough at times. I know it sounds like I am complaing, but it is just hard to figure out exactly the direction that God wants me to go in. If I had more direction in that point then maybe thing would be better but only God knows.

The whole trust factor also deals with why went to so many churches almost like I was  hopping so much in just my short life. After college did not pan out the first time. I went to a total of over 5 different college church groups.It seemed like when ever someone told me about one I would have to check it out. Even if it was for a few weeks at a time, that all while working. Was I still involved with a Sunday church? Not really, and the sad part was I was working with a youth group and a children’s group at the same time. I figured all that I was involved with then what was the point, I am still growing right? Well that is what I thought anyway. Well I was wrong, the question is why is my mind thinking about all of this so much lately? The past should not matter, yet I still let so much of it try to control my life.

I keep hearing so much about needing confidence in order to succeed in life. I have confidence, I love my self, I am content with where I am, but my mind is like a evil memory bank. Not all my memories are bad, I am not trying to say that, but it is just interesting how one memory can change or try and change your whole life aspect, or even just change your thought process. I guess all there is to do is raise my hands, and lift a prayer up. If I get hurt along the way, just know that it WILL only make me stronger in the long run. I am stronger then I give myself credit for, I know that somewhere there is someone who is going to love me for who I am. Not who they want me to be, no more backing down, no more giving up when times get tough. Happy Reading, Adam

Sunshine/Storm/ Night

As the sun shines down on this afternoon, I feel a warmth, almost like a blanket in the winter time, on a cold winters day.The clouds are rolling by, I miss laying in the grass looking at the clouds. Wondering why they looked so far way, and what shapes they were. The birds are chirping away singing the song they were born to sing. The grass is soft as I run through it bare feet, no complaints.

As the day progresses it seems to get more cloudy, very over cast. Instead of the nice and fluffy clouds that were there from before, they turn to a dark gray. There is a slight chill in the air, but it is still very relaxing. As I gather everything to go back home for the day, rain starts to flow softly. It as if someone is crying, due to a loss of a loved one. The rain starts to flow even harder now, there is clasps of lightning and thunder around. A storm is approaching , as I make it to the car. I am drenched from head to foot,but I still had a good day.

I start to drive back towards the city, as I am driving the clouds and the storm seem to pass. I realize it is night fall at this point, due to the stars shining from above.Part of me feels like an early explorer, guided by the stars to my destination. I have no regrets for the day, it was really amazing all I got accomplished without really doing anything. From the sunshine, at the start of the day, just laying in the grass. To the middle of the day, when the clouds started to roll in,which turned into a storm. To the rain, as it refreshed the grass, plants, and the streams. To the night fall, as the stars are guiding me home. Just a peaceful day out of the city.

 

Road to Salvation

The times when I feel alone and scared, You are there to offer strength and encouragement. You never turn your back on me despite how many times I turn and run the other way. I have cursed, blamed and walked away from You, yet you still forgave me with arms wide open. You gave me a choice, to turn to You and live my life my way. I chose to live for You, yet I have turned the other way also. But yet You have never rejected me.

At times when I felt alone and in the waters of life almost drowning, I was never alone. For You were there to help guide me, and lead me to safety. You offered me a chance at a second life,and yet I ran other way. You were still there to forgive me,despite what I have done not to receive forgiveness.I have missed the mark on so many levels yet You still love me. You still choose to send Your only Son to die on the cross for me. I put Him there yet I am still offered eternal life.

Romans 3:23-For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. We have all sinned. We have all done things that are displeasing to God.

Romans 6:23-For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. The death we are talking about is not just a physical death, but also a eternal death.

Romans 5:8-But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. John 3:16- For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.Jesus’ death paid for the price of our sins. Jesus’ resurrection proves that God accepted Jesus’ death as the payment for our sins.

Romans 10:9- If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Because of Jesus’ death on our behalf, all we have to do is believe in Him, trusting His death as the payment for our sins – and we will be saved! Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sins and rescue us from eternal death. Salvation, the forgiveness of sins, is available to anyone who will trust in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

Would you like to follow the Romans Road to salvation? If so, here is a simple prayer you can pray to God. Saying this prayer is a way to declare to God that you are relying on Jesus Christ for your salvation. The words themselves will not save you. Only faith in Jesus Christ can provide salvation! “God, I know that I have sinned against you and am deserving of punishment. But Jesus Christ took the punishment that I deserve so that through faith in Him I could be forgiven. With your help, I place my trust in You for salvation. Thank You for Your wonderful grace and forgiveness – the gift of eternal life! Amen!

Jesus choose to die on the cross so that we might have a chance at eternal life, why because He loved us that much. He does not want any of us to spend eternity away from Him. All of this is true any questions feel free to ask. Happy reading.

Beautfiul

I wish there were words to explain how beautiful you are.But words would never amount to anything. Each winter the flowers run and hide because of envious they are of your beauty. Every spring that follows they try to outshine you,but they never come close. Your eyes when they sparkle remind me of the stars up in the skies. Just a glimpse into them reminds me of the night, and how peaceful and calm everything is. I know that even in the daytime your yours sparkle and not just at night.

You have never asked me for the world, that was my choice to offer it. I know that I will let you down, but we will cross every bridge that comes our way. Just the small things in life make my heart glad with joy, a hand held a kiss on my check. When we go out, I want to show the whole world that you are mine. But I know that you would never allow me that, without blushing a deep red like the roses that you are holding.

But there is more to you then your beauty, I notice more then that. Your heart is one of the most generous that I have seen, you would rather spend time with others, helping them. Showing them what a definition of a fried is. You are always available to talk, even if it is the middle of the night. Others tell me how jealous they are that I  have you in my life, but in reality they wish that they could find some one just as beautiful. You are so smart, you know what and where you are headed in life. And nothing is going to stop you from achieving those goals. You have worked so hard to get where you are, if I am just a stepping stone in your journey then I am the lucky one. You have over came so much in your life, personal issues, family, and a lot of other things which I am not going to get into. But you have stayed strong, you did not give up. you have asked others for help when  you needed it,you did not let others hold you down.You are an inspiration even to me, you have helped me achieve goals that others have laughed at. You have helped me believe in my self.You never gave up, you always fought the fight. And I am honored to say thank you. And you are very beautiful. Both on the inside and the out.

This was written to no one in particular, just in general. But ladies it is very true, you are very beautiful, smart, and strong. never give up on your dreams, do not let others hold you down. Find the guy worth fighting for and keep him close. Remind him of how much he means to you.If there is no such guy in your life like that. Do not give up. He is out there, you knight will come and surprise you when you least notice it.I know for me personally that my princess is out there some where also.

Friends

There are different moments within my life where I wish I could go back and try and to re do them. But I know that the past is there for a reason, and to look towards the future. It is interesting though how the memory does that.How it plays little moments of our past in our minds to get us thinking about something, or someone. It is more interesting if you see the person that you were thinking about.

There are a select few people in my life who I hold on to friendship wise, some I see on a weekly bases, others that I may not see but we have communication at least. Then there are others who I have not seen for years, but there is a connection still there. I have a lot of people in my life, and without them I would not be who I am now, but there are others who have stuck by me and low points and the high. The ones that will not and can not give up on me. Granted like ay type of relationship there will be ups and downs. But that is just natural, why have I been thinking about that so much lately? Is it due to the fact that I miss some of those friends that I do not see? Or is it I feel like I need to do more reaching out? Letting people know I am available, not just to say it but live it out.

When was the last time a friend you have not seen in a while, almost to long? Now I am not just talking about a few days or even months, but rather years. And when you do see them again there is almost that reconnection point, not awkward like we have not seen each other in a while, but more like I have truly missed you. You were once a key aspect to who I am, without you playing the role that  you did I would not be the same person. Why is that so hard to share? Or even a better thought would be what is stopping us from making that connection with them again? Even if is just an e-mail, a text, or a phone call. You never know how that might make that person feel, to know that YOU are happy to have them in your life. It sounds like I am doing this out of sympathy or to look at me type of thinking, but it is not. I just re connected with a friend that I have known now for ten years almost, have not seen them in 6 years. But just the time we spent together the other day, is a memory in which I remember being there in there life, and it felt like if no time had passed at all.

One way in which we may not be able to connect with that friend or even a loved one is if they had passed. I actually have a thought or an idea on that. Write a letter to that person, and if they had lived in your city, and you know where they are buried, take that letter note whatever and go and read it there. It will be strength for you as well, as you do that. If they are buried in another city or state, you could go to a favorite spot in your city and read it there. Healing begins with one step, one step at a time. Now what is stopping you from going out and letting YOUR friends how much they matter to you? Past hurts, shame, regrets, what ever the reason bury it. The past is there for a reason but remember also you are not the same person as the past, Reach out and be that friend. That is my challange, and my thoughts on the matter. Happy reading.

To whom it may concern

I wish I could put into words how beautiful you are. I am not just talking about your outer beauty, but also your inner beauty. That is the part most people are blinded by. They only see your outer shell. They see what they want to see, and do not bother to get to know the real you.

Your heart is the most open, but also the most guarded. Do to past hurts and failures and pain. Failures in your mind, which in turn made you into the strong person you are now. I know that is also why you do not allow people to get close, due to the fact that they may hurt you. And cause more pain and sorrow. In every persons life you have meet, you have encouraged or strengthened them some how, maybe without even noticing it. Remember you are a over comer.With everything that has tried to hold you back,all the times you wanted to give up. But you did not, that is a good sing of your character. Just to have seen how much you have grown from where you were after hearing your testimony is amazing. You may have reached dozens but without even going very far.

The hurts that have held you down, the crutch that you hold on to.Is in your past, I am not saying that the past will and does not hurt. What you do with your past is your choice, but remember it is in your past for a reason. The pain is still there but there is healing. God has helped you to heal and so have others the question is are ready to reach out for that help? God keeps no record of our wrongs, He has helped to heal and He has forgiven you. So why do you still dwell on it,if God is willing to forgive you then why can’t you? I am not trying to get you upset so please keep reading. Your hurt and pain has held you back from so many great chances, relationships and even some great friendships. Throw that crutch away, bury the pain and the hurt, it will take time to heal, but friends are willing to help if you are willing to open up and ask for that help.

Go and do likewise/ world changer

Just wondering for me curiosity here, has anyone noticed lately a theme to my blog? First I was talking about taking a leap of faith in your relationship with God, then I was talking about reaching out. Now today I am talking about go and do likewise. There could be a lot of different interpretations of the term go and do likewise, how many times in church or even Sunday school growing up did we hear that phrase? Go and be more like Jesus for example, or go and be a world changer. The first part a lot but how many times do we here the latter? And what does it mean to be a world changer? Can I be a world changer from where I am at now? Will God call me to a far away country?

All of those are valid questions, and to be honest do I have an answer to each and every one of those? Probably not but lets look at a few examples of world changers. If we wanted to start with the start of time we could with Abraham, God told him to pack up everything and to move to a new land, a new people group a new and  a first for everything. Did he have doubts of by every account so, was he scared. Well no one ever said being a world changer would be easy, but in turn God used him at the new location to be the father of the modern area of Israel. Abraham had not answered the call there would be no Jews around today. I am sure God may have called someone else, but he choose him. And Abraham answered faithfully.

David oh David the man who was known to have a heart after God. Been chosen to take over the throne at just 14 years old, slew a giant who everybody else was afraid to encounter. Spent a lot of times in caves, killed other people husband just to cover an affair. Ran from God, but ran to God also. Was not afraid to take a stand for what he believed in. Talk about a example to each and everyone of us as believers. How was he a world changer or a go and do likewise? We need to have a heart after God as deep and passionate as David. Always seeking always learning more about God. Running to Him when we are scared and alone, telling Him when we get mad, or upset. His life may not have been perfect but who amongst us would be ready to throw the first stone?

I could go on about other great things that others did, such as a12 year old king who walked with God. The prophets, and a host of other people that may have been shaping this world for us know and may not even sensed it. By the time the 12 students came along however, Jesus had hand picked the next leaders of the church. They were ordinary guys with no special schooling no degrees or anything like that. They walked with Jesus and they answered the call. They spent three years with the best teacher around, He had the inside story to everything literately.

There are some verses to support this also. Now the Bible is composed of over 66 books split into two halves. Written by authors, breathed upon by the breath of God.God inspired them what to write, they did not add there own thoughts.

Jerimiah 1:7-10–But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.  Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.  See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” God is faithful, He will be with us to share the gospel to be the light in the darkness around us.

Matthew 28:18-20—Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Guess what this applies to you if you have accepted Christ into your heart, He may not call you to far away lands. But He has called us to be a witness to everyone around us, and if He prompts us to share the gospel we better listen.

Epesians  6:10-18– “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.   And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Why does it seem like we have seen these verses before? This is the armor of God that He has provided us with. We are soldiers on the front lines at all times in battle. Others are around us to support us, but if we do not have our armor set or on how will we be able to help protect them?

You may not be called to reach the closed nations, but what about your friends? You may not be called to give the Sunday message, but what about those who are hurting next to you? Be a light at all times to those around you. You never know who you may effect. Happy reading Adam

 

Reach Out

I wish I could put into words how I truly feel about different situations that come my way. But it is hard me to explain sometimes the emotions that are behind the feelings. How many of us out there can relate in some fashion as to what I am talking about? Wow only in my blog would I ask a question while someone is reading, I forgot that I cannot see people reading this. I have an idea maybe, that perhaps people raised their hands, but I will never know for sure. It seems the more that people hurt me in some fashion the more that I want to crawl further into my shell, but we all know that is never a good call by anybody if that happens. I was not intentionally made to have a shell; no I am very serious about that. Even as a young child, I would always be trying to get to know new people always being the friend to the friendless. And a million other things like that. But over the course of me growing up years something inside of me changed. It is as a veil was wrapped over my eyes, blinding me from being the person that I was supposed to be. And a part of me has gotten use to that blindness feature, I wish I could go back to the way I once was. But I am only dreaming right? There is no way that could ever happen. My eyes are used to the darkness the hurt in my own life, to even consider the hurt of someone very close to me. Close enough that I could reach out and touch them. I know that God has forgiven the pain within me to live this way, but now I have to learn to forgive my self daily. Let the healing begin.

If we look at any amount of time around us either via the newspaper, TV, or the internet. We see all sorts of trouble and chaos, and hurt all around the world and even in our own backyards in our own neighborhoods. But what about our friends who may be hurting? Who is going to truthfully reach out them? Unless people open up and learn to share what is bothering them we will never know the best way to reach them. But the issue of trust comes up again, so many times. To my Christian readers one way in which we can accomplish this goal is being more Christ like in everything that we do.Putting on the full armor of God, each and every day.Ephesians 6:10-18–  Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.   And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.When we wake up in the morning and when we lay down at night, let this be our prayer.

To my other readers, be available, show someone that you care, words and actions can only go so far. Be the difference to them. Show them you trust, share parts of our own lives. To those who can relate to my start of the blog, who have been hurt, do what it takes to get help for the healing. Start small if that what it takes,but believe me you will be healed over time. Remember who ever may read this I am available to talk, vent or if you just even need a shoulder to cry on. Just reach out you never know who is there, and who is willing to catch you if and when you start to fall. But it starts with you. Happy reading, Adam