It is very interesting to me how so many times I feel happy one moment and then all alone the next. I hate feeling this way, sometimes I wish I had a cure to make it end or just to stop. I know that God created me the way He did, that is great and all but why did he create me so damn emotional all the flipping time? Just to clarify in advance this will not be a very encouraging or for that matter a happy blog. I have been dealing with the emotional side of who I am my whole life. The smallest thing makes me tear up and cry, people have said that is not a bad thing, but seriously?
I do appreciate who I am and who I am created to be, ok the second part is a huge stretch. But I do seriously love who i am the positions in life that i am in and everything else in regards to that. But yet at the same time I feel so trapped within my self like as if there is no escape at all. I feel like a wonder lost and confused, with no way of escape or a light to show me which way to go. For once I would just like a calm breath of fresh air, to be able to relax and enjoy what is going on around me. And not worry to damn much about what others think, fat flipping chance of that to happen. It is even sadder when I am around a group of friends and yet feel all alone, and just want to be home by my self.
I should be content with the friends that I have and the situation that I am in, but sadly I am not, I am not sure how to explain what is really going on other then this. Was I just meant to be alone for the rest of my life? Not keep close fiends just bounce around to different friendships? I feel like a moderator in all my friendships like I am the one who brings everyone together but yet I am usually the one that wants or feels alone when this happens. I know there are close friends that are not going to give up on me including my girlfriend, but it is interesting that any argument or discussion that my self and any one for that matter gets into I always feel like the guilty one. Or the one that feels like it is my fault afterwards even though that might not always be the case. I know that people do care for me, but sometimes hard to notice or see.
Anyways that is the type of mode or attitude that I have been dealing with lately so whoever reads this and has some advice how to change that part of me please let me know, or any friendly advice at all lol. Happy Reading Adam