Is it to late to turn back version 2

Is it to late to try and make things right again? My heart feels lost and alone. You were that source of joy at one point yet, I was still scared to believe you. I know the choice I made was the better choice for us in the long run, but right now I need you more then ever. I wake up at night hoping there will be a text but sadly there is none.

I wish that there was that voice or that one person in the night I could text if I was scared or had a bad dream but sadly not anymore. I have had dreams as if you were right there next to m,e but when I wake up there is only tears on my pillow because you are gone. I know I ended the relationship,  I know the choice was mine, yet there is a bad feeling like I lost my best friend through all of this as well.

Where is this coming from why are these thoughts invading my head. Why are memories of us that never happened playing through my head? I have peace about everything yet I still feel lost, alone, and scared. Am I meant to be alone?  God is there right besides me true and so are friends, but with someone who is always going to be there by my side? Is that to much to ask for? Is happiness a shot in the dark?

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