My Heart

At times my heart has been broken, thrown on the ground and spit upon. It has been denied by those who once even loved me. Yet my love will not can not run out. For who am I without my heart? I am a shell blinded by all those and that which is around me. Yet there are hundreds upon hundreds walking around that way each and every day. Even those who say that they Love ME.

Yet my arms are still stretched wide for them. I will always welcome them home like a loving Father. I will not question where they have been, or what choices that they have made, for that I already know. Through confession I will make there paths straight again, I will still be that light leading them. Despite how dark it may and or will get around them.

I made a choice to die for them a choice that I would never want to take back or even regret that choice. For even before I made that choice I knew that the outcome would come. Yet I still choose to. For I knew who each and every person is and was before they born. I knew them by name and I called them mine. But now the choice is there’s I will and always will love them and offer them a peace of heart and comfort. But they have the choice to follow and believe in me.

Happy Reading Adam.

Where does the smile go?

Things right now in my life seem to be looking up, but in the same way where is my smile at? I am happy in the relationship that I am, I am always smiling and I know she is always happy when I am. But just lately a lot of my friends have been going through some major depression… I am the type to pick up on there personality trates, if they get upset I tend to let there emotions effect me as well.I hate that side of me, but at the same time I have a feeler type of personality. I let them effect my personality not on purpose but just in general.

At times I wish that I could just escape and go away for a while to a place away. Some Beach that is a place I need to get away to a drive in the country a road trip anything of the sort. My stress seems to be taking not just a  tol on me but also on others close to me. Don’t get me wrong I know how to handle the stress factor better now, but I still as of lately am starting to feel lost and scared again. GRRRR I hate feeling this way. I am not wanting to be alone, but at the same time it seems almost a better source to rebuild my strength.

There are those who are close to me, who i know I can and will talk to but what if they are a source for the smile disapering? What if they add to that stress? What if… would they be upset with me if I just told them to leave me alone? That I care for them, but yet just not to always be adding the stress when they are upset? If something makes you so upset that you are saying you are way more depressed then you were two weeks ago… GO seek the help people have been offering you… yes we are supposed to look out for one another but seriously do you feel better trying to  put those close to you down? Also after you had a relaxing night? Not trying to be so complaining in a way but seriously if the job or whatever the hell is causing so much stress what are you doing to try and change for the better? Go on a walk, drive, start a blog like I did. Go apply for another job, true IT MIGHT NOT BE YOUR DREAM JOB BUT IF IT GETS YOU OUT OF YOUR CURRENT SITUATION GO…….happy Reading, Adam

On a side note, I know my job is adding stress to me, ut I am still looking when I can for something better. My relationship with the person I am dating is going amazing also… I have other things to look foward to if you do not then what are you doing to try and make those changes in that area?