As I sit down this evening to write this blog, my heart has a mixed emotion or feeling going into this. Did something happen to try and trigger this? Not really , but I am not sure what may have caused this “feeling”. The direction is still uncertain, I feel like I know the outcome though as it slowly approaches. But why do I seem to have this sudden doubt about who I am, or what direction I am supposed to travel towards. at times I often wonder if feelings, mixed with emotions, equal in all reality the free will that we have. But I guess another question would arise from that also, are feelings and emotions the same thing?
Like I mentioned in the first paragraph this blog is going to bee in all sorts of different routes , but yet on the outside of the matter I seem as if nothing is wrong, is that just a mask that we wear to let on to the illusion that nothing is wrong? what if we did open up to what was really going on? And expressed those fears, doubts and the reality, without trying to over burden those that do care how many would open up more? Random thought to go with that last group, who does a self help phone operator express to? Do Psychologist go see others to seek help them selves? Is the door closed for seeking guinea help when you need it and open when times seem to be going ok? They always say the doors of the church are open , but how many times when you just wanted to go and pray in the middle of the night do you find the doors locked?
It really bothers me also that if someone has a passion for something a dream , but without the degree or without having the financial backing most people can not accomplish those dreams. Yes I do realize that other doors into that field can be opened but even those doors seem to be short lived. So what then is the new dream supposed to be? Especially if we feel like college or getting a degree is part of our plan. Or when we tell others about that dream, and it is closed before our eyes because we are the only ones that have the dream.Or they do not want to support that dream, even though they have the same passion for the dream. As I mentioned this is a compilation blog, or a built up over everything. I am not trying to personally attack anyone or downgrade anyone through this blog.
Another thought I had when I first started this blog it was suggested by a friend, so that way I could express my self better. Does that mean he was in sense trying to pass me on but to a wider audience? Or did he believe that as a writer I had true potential? I am not sure why but that thought that’s been going through my head a lot lately. If as a writer I do have the potential to write where do i look to start doing that? What would be the next steps for that? Anyway Happy reading, Adam